Shattered Glass: Can the pieces ever be mended?

Unarguably, one of my greatest achievements in life has been the countless opportunities to serve others by sharing my story of sexual abuse and triumph. Far greater than any monetary gift or material reward, is the look on their faces when they have been encouraged and made hopeful that within them lies all they need to thrust from the confines of merely being a victim to becoming a surviving overcomer! Today, I want to share with you the reason I tell my story.

 After my two year experience with sexual abuse at the hands of a family friend, my life was like shattered glass. My self-esteem lessened by the second and I was tormented by inner ‘demons’ of self-hatred and rejection.  Behind every smile and every laugh was a young boy who wished more than anything I could be ‘normal’. Oh, how I longed for someone to reverse the early awakening of my sexual awareness.

Speaking of sexual awareness, can I tell you that the sexual confusion I experienced was unbelievable and far too advanced for my still developing brain/personality? One the one hand I was deeply ashamed and hurt by my abuse and the betrayal of someone I trusted YET my body was the worse ‘Judas’ in that there was a part of me that yearned for the attention. There was a very real part of my physical body that liked the gratification. Imagine how conflicted I was trying to figure out how I could love something that killed my spirit, yet hate that I love it.

What was wrong with me? Who would understand? How would I ever be free again? Would the voices of my internal tormentors ever be silence?  My life was like a spinning top, whirling out of control and as time moved forward it gained speed. The quicker it moved the greater its destruction and my life was catapulting into the deepest downward spiral possible. At first the whirling of this spinning top was limited to my internal thoughts causing me to be a wreck inside but quickly as adolescence emerged, I began to see it’s manifestations on the outside. By my teenage years I was self-medicating with drugs, sex and a host of unhealthy behavior patterns.  There seemed to be no hope and certainly no way to mend the shattered glass of my life.

Do you remember playing with spinning tops as a child? Yes, before social media when children actually went outside to play! I recall the joys of watching a spinning top spin feverishly and then one would simply touch it with their finger and the spinning top would come to a sudden halt. One day in the midst of my chaos, God extended his hand and with one finger, stopped the spinning top that was devastating my life! I had cried many tears to God that seemed to fall on deaf ears but then one day he came and brought peace, calm and healing to my life that could not be processed or explained.

I have heard many people quickly dismiss God presence and ability to heal our deepest hurts. Granted while I do agree that therapy and counseling are among some of our greatest tools in the healing process, but there is nothing comparable to the realization of God’s love. I had forfeited the benefits of his love for so long because I was waiting for him to do something super miraculous to transform my life but when I realized that he had already paid the price for my freedom I was able to live in that freedom.

I can’t explain why bad things happen and I wouldn’t dare minimize anyone’s pain or experience by reducing it to cliché but I will say that despite the terrible things that happened in my life, God’s love has been my saving grace. I could ask the question about why God allowed this to happen to me, but I would much rather focus on how God can use me to help be what he has been to me , to someone else. Imagine if I had not experienced what I went through, YOU wouldn’t be reading this blog right now! So not only has God extended his love to me, but through me he extends it to YOU and many others.

In closing, I want to report that the true gospel of my life is that the boy who had been defiled and whose life was sprinkled with turmoil and calamity is now a man whose life is filled with love, peace and happiness. God restored my self-esteem, my sexual purity, my ability to be volitional, my ability to love and be loved and most importantly my VOICE!  For the details of my story and how God brought me from deep darkness into the light of his love order my book, Journey to Malachi!

 

Great Holiday Gifts For Survivors

Looking for great gift ideas for survivors or parents of  sexual abuse victims this holiday? Well look no further to give the gift of healing & hope! Check out a few options below! 

Does your past continue to haunt you with nightmares, people you can't please, people who continue to reject you, habits you can't break, emotions that seem too intense to tolerate? How about triggers that make you shiver in public places, experiencing feelings of guilt and shame, anger towards God and lacking belief in your faith? Do you want to enjoy the best life possible? You Are A Miracle Workbook integrates spirituality in Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy in the treatment of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse. This treatment approach will help launch you on a healing journey to reclaim your innocence as you anchor your heart in God's love! This self-help curriculum can be used by pastors, professional counselors and adult female victims of childhood sexual abuse to help guide women on their healing journey. You will learn strategies to stop nightmares, reduce emotional distress of triggers, learn assertive communication, implement healthy boundaries, become independent, stop blaming yourself, be free of guilt and shame, build your self-esteem, adopt a victorious mindset, and walk with strength and humility in God's destiny for your life! Most importantly, You Are A Miracle, will create an atmosphere for miracles and you will see God transform your life in a unique way so that you can testify that You Are A Miracle!

To purchase this book on Amazon click HERE!

Deaf, Dumb, Blind, Stupid. That's how Michael Anderson saw the world. Who would hear him? His cry for help would shake a congregation.
"This book by far was one of the best books I've ever read when it comes to the subject of abuse. So many times the victim is victimized over and over again by not having the people closest to him or her to talk to. In this novel, this little boy had only one man out numerous cries for help who heard his cries. Sadly, it wasn't soon enough and even he let this child down.As a victim of sexual abuse myself I understood exactly how this little boy felt. It is very challenging to live your life on the account of someone harming in you in a unforgiving way. It is even more challenging to want to keep your life as I too fought suicide and had a date set in which I too had planned to take my own life.Mr. Moore gave a side of both worlds through one little boys eyes. He also shared some important self-help knowledge needed at the end of the book as well as asked questions to be certain you truly understand what you have read"- Diane Simmons

To purchase this book on Amazon click HERE!

Through a biographical journey of a life torn by deep pain, Journey to Malachi offers a fresh look into the perils of sexual abuse and its physical and emotional after-effects. From personality changes to sexual confusion and same -sex attraction, this book deals with the realities of trying to find answers to the hard questions. As a tale of the drastic hardships and complications (caused by sexual awareness being awakened too soon), Journey to Malachi opens up the floodgates for honest conversations from both the church and society as a whole regarding molestation, rape and sexuality. This book accounts Malachi's darkest hours when it appeared that he had lost the fight of faith. Then in an unexpected twist of fate, God enters the arena, steps into the boxing ring of life and in the most unexpected way defeats his demons. This heart-wrenching story will bring hope, power and light to the lives of its readers!

To purchase this book on Amazon click HERE!

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10 Ways For Survivors to Cope w/ the Holidays

Everywhere we go, we are reminded that” it’s the most wonderful time of the year.”  However for adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and their families, this can be a very difficult time. For many survivors, one of the greatest challenges is acknowledging that being with their family over the holidays may be too upsetting for them. It can be a source of tension for family members that want to 
preserve holiday traditions. However for survivors who have begun to talk about the sexual abuse, the holidays may trigger more pain than joy.  In addition, for the victims survivors unable to, or not 
ready to talk about the abuse, the holidays may lead to increased alcohol and drug consumption as a way to manage their unmanageable feelings. While getting through the holidays can be difficult, it is not impossible. We offer these suggestions to help you survive and hopefully thrive during the holidays. The 
following list is simply suggestions to prompt and remind you that there are steps you can take even if you feel stuck and overwhelmed by the 
holidays.  If you have others ideas, please let us know. 

1.  First, if you feel unsafe and/

or a danger to yourself or 

others call 911 or go to the 

nearest emergency room for 

help. This step alone may be 

enough to help you manage a 

seemingly unmanageable 

situation.

2. If the holidays feel too big 

and overwhelming to think 

about, then try to break it 

down into smaller more 

manageable parts of a day. 

Many people have navigated 

the holidays by continually 

asking themselves   

         “What’s the next right 

thing to do?”  Most of us can 

handle  h a couple of minutes, 

a  few hours, or even part of a 

day, easier than  trying to plan 

for days at a time.

3. One of the challenges of the 

holidays is deciding what you 

need to do for you, while 

allowing others to enjoy it the 

way they need to. It can help 

to keep asking yourself if you 

can accept the holiday 

gatherings as they are and not 

as you wish they would be. If 

not, is there something else 

you can do? Many people turn 

to  prayers, such as the 

Serenity prayer for clarity 

about what they can and can’t 

do. “God grant me the serenity 

to accept the things I cannot 

change; the courage to change 

the things I can and wisdom to 

know the difference.”

4. If you are uncomfortable 

with the holiday traditions you 

grew up with and can’t be with 

the family this year, it’s Ok.  

Let your family know your 

decision has to do with taking 

care of yourself.   It doesn’t 

mean you’ll never join them 

again in the future.  While 

family members may be 

disappointed, many will 

understand and listen; 

especially if they don’t feel 

blamed.

5. If you are willing to join the 

family for part of the Holidays, 

let them know what you are 

able to commit to.  If you need 

support, ask if you can bring a 

friend or two with you. 

Remember change is rarely 

comfortable at first; but part of 

healing involves change.

6. If you feel ready to celebrate with your family, 

remember that as an adult, you get to choose 

how to participate. If you like board games, 

cooking, or playing an instrument, bring it to the 

holiday gathering. Additionally if you know there 

will be people or circumstances that will trigger 

upset feelings, remind yourself that you can’t 

control what others say or how they behave.  

However you can control choices you make about 

what steps you need to take to lessen how 

triggered you get.

7. It is important to avoid isolating. This is when 

victims-survivors  get in trouble. It helps to have 

others to talk to and to listen to. Schedule time to 

be with people who feel safe and supportive 

before, during, and after the holidays. Call, text, 

email or meet for coffee if it helps you to feel safe 

and present. If you don’t have a safe community 

of people in your life at this time, then go to 

places where there may be other people who are 

also feeling lonely during this time of year such as 

self-help groups like: Survivors of Incest 

Anonymous. (SIA) Additionally since many 

survivors have struggled with substance abuse or 

relationships where substance abuse is a part of 

it; Open Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and AL 

anon meetings may offer comfort.

8. For some people, the best solution is to step 

outside of themselves and reach out to others.  

For example, serving meals to the homeless, 

distributing toys to families in need, or being 

available to assist at a shelter. To choose to give 

to others can be an empowering experience. It is a 

reminder that no matter how badly the scars of 

the abuse feel or linger, you still have value and 

something to offer others.

9. Go with some friends to the Healing Garden 

and be one of the first people ever to throw 

snowballs there.

10. “This too shall pass.” The holidays whether 

wonderful or painful will come and go. 

Found this information from this source.

Survivor Radio: YOU ARE A MIRACLE!!!

Does your past continue to haunt you with nightmares, people you can't please, people who continue to reject you, habits you can't break, emotions that seem too intense to tolerate? How about triggers that make you shiver in public places, experiencing feelings of guilt and shame, anger towards God and lacking belief in your faith? Do you want to enjoy the best life possible? Join us as author Samantha Thomas discusses her new book,You Are A Miracle Workbook, that integrates spirituality in Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavior Therapy in the treatment of women survivors of childhood sexual abuse.

Samantha believes that every surviving victim is a miracle and I agree..listen to learn why!!!

Listen to internet radio with Survivors Radio on Blog Talk Radio

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Survivor Story: Diane Simmons

Diane Simmons, author of The Moth's Flame, The Moth's Flame Dueces and Provisional Love With Options, joins the show to discuss how she survived and thrived from the perils of sexual, mental and physical abuse. 

In her own words: "I was the product of physical, mental, emotional, sexual and psychological

 abuse. The star of depression; flames within anger and no self control. Grey hairs of low self 

esteem and the STRENGTH in suicide. The capital "I" in invisible because that's what I 

wanted to be, to cover up the years of pain."

Listen in to be encouraged by her  experience and brave voice! 

Listen to internet radio with Survivors Radio on Blog Talk Radio

If you enjoyed this radio broadcast please follow the show Survivors Radio on Blog Talk Radio!!!

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Journey to Malachi: Blog Tour Schedule

Hey EVERYONE! I am super excited about my upcoming blog-tour as it will give me the opportunity to not just introduce my book to a wider audience but to explain the passion and purpose behind my writings. I really appreciate all of the love and support from those of you who follow my blog and I wanted you all to have the opportunity to follow my virtual book tour as I participate in guest-blogs, interviews and offer sneak peeks. Below of my tour schedule along with the links to all of the participating blogs: 

Giveaway: 1 Signed Paperback
November 27 - Introduction at VBT Cafe' Blog
November 29 - Interviewed at BK Walker's Blog
December 2 - Guest Blogging at Books, Books, The Magical Fruit
December 6 - Review & Interview at Central Bargains and Giveaways
December 10 - Guest Blogging at Lori's Reading Corner
December 12 - Interviewed at Reviews & Interviews
December 14 - Review & Guest Blogging at A Book Lover's Library
December 17 - Interviewed at Mass Musings
December 19 - Guest Blogging at The Official Blog-Zine of Terra Little
December 21 - Book Feature & Excerpt at The Stuff of Success

Knowing Malachi - 1 Week Feature at BK Walker Books Etc.
December 22 - Introduction
December 23 - Malachi's Passion
December 24 - Sharing His Story
December 26 - Interview Part 1
December 27 - Interview Part 2
December 28 - Wrap-Up

Life After Abuse:Coping w/ the After-Effects

Victims of sexual abuse, rape or assaults often suffer from 

emotional effects long after their experience(s). Below are 

some common long and short term effects to watch out for as 

well as healthy ways to cope and deal with them:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Victims who suffer with PTSD experience severe feelings of anxiety, stress or fear. Symptoms of PTSD usually can be grouped into three main categories: re-experiencing, avoidance or hyper-arousal.  Those who suffer from PTSD should seek medical treatment as soon as possible by a trained professional with extensive knowledge of PTSD. If you believe you suffer from PTSD and you would like help call today 802-296-6300

Sleeping Disorders

Depression and PTSD can make sleeping difficult for survivors of abuse/assault. It can be hard for survivors to feel secure and safe because of the vulnerability involved in sleeping. Also nightmares are common side effects that prevent sleep. Sleep Terror disorder may also develop as it is characterized by abrupt awakening from sleep with panic or fear. Lastly insomnia can cause loss of sleep, waking up to early or restlessness. If you or someone you know is suffering from any of these symptoms as a result of their experience please contact 1-800-656-HOPE.  

Body Memories

Some symptoms are a result of the connection between the mind and body called body memories. These symptoms occur when the memories of events experienced by an individual take of a physical form that cannot be explained by usual means such as medical examinations. Examples of these psychosomatic symptoms include headaches, migraines, stomach difficulties, light headedness/dizziness, hot/cold flashes, grinding of teeth, sleep disorders, etc. For help and resources on dealing with these symptoms contact 1-800-656-HOPE.

Depression

The term "depression" can be confusing since many of the symptoms are experienced by people as normal reactions to events in their life. At some point or another during one's life, everyone feels sad or "blue." This also means that recognizing depression can be difficult since the symptoms can easily be attributed to other causes. These feelings are perfectly normal, especially during difficult times. Depression becomes something more than just normal feelings of sadness when the symptoms last for more than two weeks. Therefore, if you experience five or more of the following symptoms you should consider seeing a doctor:

The symptoms for depression include:

·         Prolonged sadness or unexplained crying spells

·         Change in appetite with significant weight loss (without dieting) or weight gain

·         Loss of energy or persistent fatigue or lethargy

·         Significant change in sleep patterns (insomnia, sleeping too much, fitful sleep, etc.)

·         Loss of interest and pleasure in activities previously enjoyed, social withdrawal.

·         Feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, or inappropriate guilt

·         Pessimism or indifference

·         Unexplained aches and pains (headaches, stomachaches)

·         Inability to concentrate, indecisiveness

·         Irritability, worry, anger, agitation, or anxiety

·         Recurring thoughts of death or suicide

Sited Source

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